it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
