I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
