Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
