He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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