What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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