sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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