booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
