My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
