listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
