I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
