dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
