bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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