Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
