I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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