just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
