Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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