i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
