since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
