Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
