Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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