You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
