Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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