I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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