I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just want to make out with him forever
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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