yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
