so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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