I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
