I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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