I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
