I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
