My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Green mimosas i think yes
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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