If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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