Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
