I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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