you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
