when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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