dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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