Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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