i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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