I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
