My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
