I want to walk on stilts...naked
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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