Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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