I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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