if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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