When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
