nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
