I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize