It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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