He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
