I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
there is glitter all over my balls
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