i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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