i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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