broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
