No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
