Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
