I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
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Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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