What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
