The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm getting married
To pizza
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
