I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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