How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
