I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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