Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
