Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
