Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
