if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
