You can't special order awesome
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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