Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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