if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
