he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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