sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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