It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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