Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
