Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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