i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
