if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
