Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
