Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
