Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
