He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
