I think i peed on brittanys purse
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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