apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
