I just made out with a guy for $7.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
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i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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