her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she peed on how many people?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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