there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
